Anger

Anger

As a child and teenager I had a bad temper. As an adult I learned that we feel angry when we feel victimized. I am usually able to keep my anger under control now by assessing whether or not I am truly a victim in a situation and if not, how to change my viewpoint.

I feel guilty for being angry. Even though I could be legitimately angry at my most recent ex I find ways to believe that I am responsible for situations and therefore it is not really his fault. He also encouraged this by always twisting things to be my fault. I did not feel that I had a right to ask for him to meet my needs.

I am terrified of people being angry at me. I will go to great lengths to avoid this. Both my parents had bad tempers. I learned to do whatever I could to avoid my mother’s temper. I stopped asking for money for field trips. Often I would anticipate and dread dealing with her about something and she would be completely calm. I never knew what would set her off.

She was either too controlling or completely numb and disengaged. There was no middle ground. She would fight with me and engage me on a childlike level instead of being the adult in the situation.

My most recent ex's anger terrified me. I felt like (and still feel like) his anger erases all love. That he could not possibly love me and be angry at me. And my anxiety made him angry, things I said without thinking made him angry, often I could not predict what he would be angry about. He walked away from me once for something I didn’t know would make him angry and there were times I anticipated his anger and he wasn’t angry at all.