Tuesday, December 2, 2008

No Contact Part II

An e-mail from both exes today.

I am still no contact with my most recent ex.

I feel guilty but it suddenly hit me today--he gave up the privilege of being close to me and talking to me.

He gave up a relationship with me.

He has had his proverbial cake and eaten it too during our relationship because of his relationship with his ex-wife.  I'm not going to give him that.  

Let him see what it's like to really not have me.

My ex-husband sent a long list of everything that's wrong in his life.  He also told me his son tried to commit suicide.

This is a child I helped raise from the age of 2 to 14 years old.  But I feel nothing.

What does that mean?  I feel guilt and I feel anxiety about my exes but I feel numb.

I feel numb even toward my own family.

I'm hoping as I heal I can start feeling things again.  It's like a bright light burnt out during my divorce that I haven't been able to recover.  How can I feel nothing for a child I helped raise? It scares me.

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