What to Do

When I read all this I know I’m too sensitive. I don’t know what to do about it. How can I express my true feelings and be in touch with them when I don’t think they’re valid? If I know I’m overreacting or being too sensitive then I feel like I have to repress it.

I want to be a “real” person. I want to be able to engage in emotional give and take in a reciprocal and not unbalanced fashion. I don’t want to be so protective of myself. I want to be able to trust people and not be afraid of criticism. I want to DO things in my life and not just think about them. I want to finish projects, develop real skills, do things based on my quality of life and not others approval. I want to really be able to give. Not just do things for other people or buy them gifts but truly give to them and be present with them and in my own life. I want to be a solid person and not just reactive. I want to be kind and warm.

I don’t know how to get there yet. But I have to start coming from a place of genuineness and not selfishness. I have to risk myself but also take care of myself the right way—with boundaries.

I have to start small and build. I know there is something real in me. I know I don’t have to live trying to make others love me and live with all this drama. I know I can save myself somehow and start to feel things again and be healthy and not numb.