Relief

This morning I was arranging all my body wash bottles so that the labels faced me in the shower and it suddenly hit me that many of the behaviors I was afraid indicated my own narcissism were OCD.

The photographs to create an artificial, controllable reality,  negative obsession about my physical appearance, my fear of other people's emotions.

It's about control.

The need to know what is going on with the most recent ex, despite how it will upset me, is also about control.

I think the longer I am no contact the more this will fade.

Once this fades I hope I can get back to a place of peace, insight and healing and out of this place of anger and bitterness and pain.